Dicks Not Included | Game of Thrones Season 7 Finale

The 90 minute episode had a lot of dick or lack of dick references so I will sprinkle that within this review.

The Gathering

So many reunions!!!

Thion and Euron

Podrick and Tyrion

Mountain and Hound

Jaime and Brienne

Hound and Brienne

Cersei and Tyrion

Who are we missing? Viserion...

After Drogon's greeting, Cersei and Daenerys have a short and awkward cat fight. Then Euron interrupts Tyrion so disrespectfully that Jaime and Cersei tells Euron to stop so that the meeting can continue. Soon we get a good jump scare as the Hound kicks over the crate that I guess wakes up the Wight and charges right towards Cersei. Normally she is cold and collected, but she really lost her composure when the dead soldier tried to kill her (she's human after all!). I think Jon did a smooth demonstration (almost like they practiced) of how to kill the dead army. He mentions that fire and dragon glass can kill them, but he failed to talk about Valeryian Steel. I understand that it's rare and they mined dragon glass for weapons in preparation for the Great War, but still. There are a good handful of key characters that have swords and daggers forged from Valeryian Steel. Why hide it?

On a lighter note, who here laughed when Euron jumped ship after the demonstration? ✋

Later we find that out his true purpose, but in this moment it was just like "Can they swim? No? I'm out!"

Why did Jon say the dead can't swim? THEY HAVE POLAR BEARS. They can swim! What if they have killer whales or a kraken?

Even if they don't have that, didn't they pop out of the hole in the frozen lake and tried to grab the Hound last episode?

I'm not saying they have a dead Michael Phelps among the ranks, but apparently they can come out of the water at some point.

Still, I'm sure if he wanted to help fight in the Great War, he could launch fire arrows or fireball canons from his fleet.

Cersei and Tyrion

Watching Tyrion give such a powerful speech of love and loyalty while admitting to all his crimes both directly and indirectly (killing the mom during birth), reminded me of Armin's speech when he begged to be heard in Attack on Titan.

He's such an amazing actor and I was so relieved when he got to have one more drink of wine and comic relief.

Although, it begs the question why didn’t Cersei kill Tyrion? Isn’t that all she wanted? Isn’t she afraid he’s the prophesied one to kill her?

She has been so careful and fearful of Tyrion since the beginning. It is so complex for me to wrap around that deep down she values Tyrion as family. I believe that due to his position as hand to Queen Daenerys, Cersei decided not to kill him at that moment.

Let's say she caved in, Daenerys wouldn't have an advisor to tell her not to burn down the entire city. That's not the best move for Cersei.

What she needs is the dragon Queen to take her army and fight the Night King. She already observed one dragon missing, she might have also put one and one together when Dany admitted she saw the army for herself.

Like Tyrion, Cersei enjoys a good goblet of wine. It's amazing to me how they knew back then not to drink during pregnancy. I thought she would at least drink "just a little bit" (How I Met Your Mother) of wine, but not the whole glass. I mean that moment was intense!! With her insistence on family ties while subtly touching her belly and ignoring the drink, this led Tyrion to conclude she's pregnant. But then the camera switches to Jon and Dany. It felt like they were starting to get somewhere in negotiations, and then we don't find out. So what did they talk about?!

With Cersei being all momma bear about her children, Tyrion must have used that as part of the negotiations.

Since Dany keeps saying she can't have children, and Tyrion questioned Dany's heir, it would make sense that he promised Cersei to put her child on the throne if something should happen to the dragon Queen. However, Dany did say she would be in favor of democracy so maybe Tyrion just lied to Cersei for the good of the people being on the same side for sake of the Great War. After all, he did say Jon should've lied with Cersei's little condition earlier. But if he did mean to lie to his sister, why did he look all butt hurt when he saw Jon go into Dany's room?

What do you think?

Jon and Dany

Daenerys keeps saying she can’t have children. This statement has been plastered around this season like propaganda posters for Jon's ideal eHarmony match since he's terrified to sleep with any woman as long as her being pregnant looms in his mind.

For those who don’t remember, the witch who supposedly cursed her said:

“When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.

When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves.

When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child.

Then he will return, and not before.”

This led to Dany believing that "Only death can pay for life".

The first part of the prophesy could've been achieved with Martell whose family crest is the sun. The second could be with the Night King's army arrival and freezing the water over. Third, some believe the dragons already fulfilled this when they blew up the pyramids. But I think it could be the wall falling. Lastly when she bears a living child. This hasn't quite happened yet unless you count her dragons and think Drogon is the "he" in "he will return". However, I believe she will get pregnant with Jon Snow's child and possibly either die while giving birth and meet Khal Drogo in death or name her kid after Drogo.

Either way, there's a lot to come in season 8.

Ravens

I just have to point out that the ravens in Game of Thrones work harder than the owls in Harry Potter (with the exception of Hedwig). There's a scene with the raven having difficulty flying through a snow storm, I refer to you last episode at my review on how ridiculous these messenger ravens work here.

Sir Friendzone

Time and time again Jorah has been riding in the back seat while Jon calls shot gun on all the plans. Of course Dany is in love with Jon so she’s going to go with whatever he says or doesn’t say I guess with the boat scene. Maybe Jorah should try calling her Dany?

Jon and Theon

I don’t have any good feelings for Theon. Just like how I keep losing my keys, I keep losing my faith in Theon. Grey joy indeed.

This is a redeeming moment for Theon and it goes to show that you don't need a dick to fight. Hope he frees Yara in time next season!

Little to no Finger

He’s dead! Tired of him creeping around and getting away with murder. I guess he was playing the game called “Sorry” and lost.

FINALLY Sansa did the right thing!!!!!!! Again, you don’t need a dick to fight, but it helps to have a faceless assassin.

Cersei and Jaime

This season Jaime has become a real noble knight at the same time he's slowly realizing that the love of his life and dear sister is, for a lack of a better word, a crazy vengeful manipulator. He's a Kingslayer and a Queenlayer, but can he also be a Queenslayer? Until Cersei is no longer pregnant, I don't see Jaime making that literal plunge just yet. Something I look forward to next season even though Cersei is my favorite character (in terms of acting).

Sam and Bran = OP

These two already know a lot of things by themselves, but when you put them together (plus Gilly) they just have a plethora of knowledge that has always been a game changer throughout the show. If only they can tell Jon before it's too late! Oh wait...

Did anyone else think Bran was creeping on “Aegon” and Dany’s sex scene. I mean he was there for all the other events…

If Dany does become pregnant then Jon will have to marry her so the child won't be born a bastard like he thought he was.

Night Fury

When Viserion first flew down and breathed a quick fireball down at the wall, it reminded me of that scene in How to Train a Dragon when Toothless was first introduced fire flames and all. It's interesting that the dragon still breathes fire without being damaged (since the dead and fire don't mix) and he can still fly with holes like Swiss cheese in his wings.

On a side note, did anyone else think the Wights need eclipse glasses or something while they stare at the fire melting the wall?

Though I suppose they're already dead.

I wonder how the introduction of the Game of Thrones will be now that the wall is melted.

Well here's to waiting for the next season to come. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it.

For season 8, I mainly feel like Bran is the key to everything.

He has to have some other vital information aside from Jon being the rightful heir to the throne.

I feel like Bran could do so much more, but the question is, does he want to?

If you have any theories, I'd love to hear them! Thanks for reading.